Countdown.....

So I officially close on the Potato Pad February 12th at 3:00pm. I am so excited I can hardly stand it! I haven't really thought about much else that weekend, like moving, etc. other than just the closing date and sitting in my own house that night! I have also purchased a washer and dryer-my first to be exact and my first real adult purchase for the house. You know me, you have to have something to do laundry in and keep things clean :)

In other news.......The PK has made a reappearance within the last couple of weeks and seems to have had a change of heart. He really put it all on the line and asked me to dinner to talk about a week ago, and I have to say it seems as if this change is genuine and very well thought out.

We talked allot about the relationship and just things in general. He asked if I would be open to dating and I told him yes; I decided that I really do care for Andrew and if he could come this far then I needed to give him the chance to prove it to me. So the "proving" has commenced and I have to say I am really enjoying our time together.

I guess as times passes, you realize more and more what is important and what really isn't.........this is of course is going to move slowly, and I am trying my best not to fall back into old habits and comfort with him; which is hard when you have spent time with someone.....but I am focused on the house and us seeing each other.

2010 may be the year to put many things behind me and to rest............

Update: Potato Pad

(Prior to an update by your's truly)

Some good news to report! Inspections on the house went well, and although there are items that need some attention, all in all it was a good report and nothing that I can't live with; so we are now headed towards an appraisal and all of the final paperwork!

I hate the paperwork part but I know that it is part of the process and puts me one step closer to my "pad" :) If all goes as planned I should be celebrating this Valentine's Day in my new place with a glass of wine, in a place that is ALL mine and I did it all by myself! Jess was right when she said that it would be the best feeling in the world and mean so much more to me, and I know exactly what she is talking about now!

So out of the last 2 weeks there are still bright spots; and this is surely one of them! Not to mention all of the time that I have got to spend in Tulsa, especially this last weekend with family.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel........always.

Lack of Motivation......

I guess it is no secret that when you have a death in the family, and especially someone dies that you are very close with, things start to come into perspective a little more....I would say this is true for me at this point. I am having a hard time getting motivated at work and in general, I mean things that some people think are "life and death" (or act as if they are) just aren't that important and I find it hard to get all worked up about it. Don't get me wrong I am guilty of this as well, getting worked up over nothing and losing sight of what really matters......and what really matters would be your time spent with family and friends.

Which brings me to my next point, just exactly who are you surrounding yourself with these days? I think more and more I will be spending my time with those people that mean the most to me and vice versa.....I don't mean to sound all holier than though-just trying to get some life perspective......

Needless to say it has been a rough week and I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster for most of it.....I know time heals all wounds......but right now that just isn't very comforting....I am not really sure what would be comforting at this point. I am headed back to Tulsa this weekend to spend more time with granny and family, being back at the house I basically grew up in will have to bring me some sort of peace.

I just find it so weird how you lose someone so special and that had been around for so long, but then life just continues as normal.......and life is anything but normal for me without him in it.

19 days.......

It has been 19 days since my last post. There are a lot of things that can happen in 19 days; I put an offer in on a house, and it was accepted so I am in the process of purchasing now. Christmas came and went (please see Jess's post for all of our XMAS details); the blizzard of 2009 has occured and on December 29 I lost a man that meant the most to me, my papa passed away.

Needless to say it has been a whirlwind of a week since last Sunday and all of my days have been spent in Tulsa. I will tell you that I was able to speak to him via phone on Christmas night before things took a turn for the worse on Dec. 26th. He was at home and surrounded by the ones he loved in his last days and I am comforted by the fact that I was able to be with him when he passed. It has been a very emotional week and the mourning will continue for some time I am sure. I just returned to OKC yesterday for the graveside services, and then had to say goodbye to the family that I have been surrounded by this last week-and that was hard in itself. Out of one of the largest losses I have experienced has provided a new ray of light; my father-birth father-and I have been able to spend time together and start anew with papa's passing. There is a comfort that comes from the love of a father and I know that papa surely had his hand in our reconciliation. I am not sure what road lies ahead, as I never am, but I do feel more at peace than I have in a very long time. I am in hopes that 2010 will be a true year for healing in all aspects of my life.

I wanted to send my thanks to all of my friends that have sent wishes of support and love through this very difficult time. I am forever grateful for you and your love.

Again I am not sure what lies ahead for me but I know that papa is rooting me on and will always be on my side, whether he is in this life or the next.