Monday, May 30, 2011

Hold on to your panties......this is a declaration.......

If you are looking for a pick me up post, then you better find another address.......

I am declaring that I do not believe there is a God, a Messiah, a Creator.....whatever you would like to call him, her or it......... (sorry Mom, I love you and hope you don't cry)

Before it gets serious, let me recap - there is no way that the one who created Adam, Eve and the Apple - the one defined as the alpha and the omega - would allow there to be a show like the "Bachelorette"....ahem and I digress.......a show that not only rubs it in that there are somewhat "normal" and "available" men left in the world, but those men are also ready and willing to commit to a relationship with a woman whom they know nothing about and will endure living in a home with 24 other available, masculine and metro men - all competing for the same woman. All the while there are actual women that are REAL, open and that don't need to be on a TV show in order to meet you or be attracted to you while you are competing for her.......sorry that is just my take on that whole pile of shit.

On a serious note and without trying to air all of my, and my closest friends, personal laundry - there is no way after the last 2 years that there could be a god that would allow the heartbreak, sorrow, anger, frustration and disappointment that "we" have endured. I feel like I have a right or at least a place to say and take a stand in how I feel. I have put myself "out there", asked for help, tried to go with the flow, prayed, begged and literally laid myself at "his, her or its" feet - and the only thing that has come in return is nothing......

Now I am not saying that I do not and have not led a blessed life, I do have a very nice life; one that I have created though, and one that my family and friends have been apart of; I have worked on myself, grown, learned from and honestly been bestowed more strength upon than any one person can ask for, from experience or circumstance - or whatever. And yet the one thing I long for doesn't come. And neither does it come for my closest of friends - what she longs for...... we are good people, we are responsible, kind, give back, do right by one another and those around us; and yet the ones who are hard, criminal, evil and those with no kindness or grace seem to get everything they want and desire.

You can see my dilemma, it is hard to believe in anything that you feel does not hear or see you - but gives back and blesses those that may not be in a place that have done "their time". I am in no place to judge, no place to decide who gets what - and that is why I have decided to resign myself that there is no one else that does or can either. I create and live my live as I see fit; the way that makes me happy and I feel comfortable. If that means that I offend or make someone uncomfortable about my omission then I apologize, but I feel like my belief in something other than myself, my love for my friends and family would be fake at this point.

I am angry with God and I am tired of others that are crack addicts, liars, murders, unfit mothers, fathers, prostitutes, pimps, and just plain unkind people getting what the rest of us deserve in life.

Oh and by the way, I HATE and I do mean HATE, romantic comedies. They lie - lead you to the abyss and then throw you off the cliff. I will not watch another one.....period.