Monday, May 30, 2011

Hold on to your panties......this is a declaration.......

If you are looking for a pick me up post, then you better find another address.......

I am declaring that I do not believe there is a God, a Messiah, a Creator.....whatever you would like to call him, her or it......... (sorry Mom, I love you and hope you don't cry)

Before it gets serious, let me recap - there is no way that the one who created Adam, Eve and the Apple - the one defined as the alpha and the omega - would allow there to be a show like the "Bachelorette"....ahem and I digress.......a show that not only rubs it in that there are somewhat "normal" and "available" men left in the world, but those men are also ready and willing to commit to a relationship with a woman whom they know nothing about and will endure living in a home with 24 other available, masculine and metro men - all competing for the same woman. All the while there are actual women that are REAL, open and that don't need to be on a TV show in order to meet you or be attracted to you while you are competing for her.......sorry that is just my take on that whole pile of shit.

On a serious note and without trying to air all of my, and my closest friends, personal laundry - there is no way after the last 2 years that there could be a god that would allow the heartbreak, sorrow, anger, frustration and disappointment that "we" have endured. I feel like I have a right or at least a place to say and take a stand in how I feel. I have put myself "out there", asked for help, tried to go with the flow, prayed, begged and literally laid myself at "his, her or its" feet - and the only thing that has come in return is nothing......

Now I am not saying that I do not and have not led a blessed life, I do have a very nice life; one that I have created though, and one that my family and friends have been apart of; I have worked on myself, grown, learned from and honestly been bestowed more strength upon than any one person can ask for, from experience or circumstance - or whatever. And yet the one thing I long for doesn't come. And neither does it come for my closest of friends - what she longs for...... we are good people, we are responsible, kind, give back, do right by one another and those around us; and yet the ones who are hard, criminal, evil and those with no kindness or grace seem to get everything they want and desire.

You can see my dilemma, it is hard to believe in anything that you feel does not hear or see you - but gives back and blesses those that may not be in a place that have done "their time". I am in no place to judge, no place to decide who gets what - and that is why I have decided to resign myself that there is no one else that does or can either. I create and live my live as I see fit; the way that makes me happy and I feel comfortable. If that means that I offend or make someone uncomfortable about my omission then I apologize, but I feel like my belief in something other than myself, my love for my friends and family would be fake at this point.

I am angry with God and I am tired of others that are crack addicts, liars, murders, unfit mothers, fathers, prostitutes, pimps, and just plain unkind people getting what the rest of us deserve in life.

Oh and by the way, I HATE and I do mean HATE, romantic comedies. They lie - lead you to the abyss and then throw you off the cliff. I will not watch another one.....period.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm taking the "Potato" Pad back bitches!

Score 1 for me! Cops called this morning at 3:00am on one neighbor (renter) about their dogs and non-stop barking! Also that the dogs are mistreated, left out at all hours, in all kinds of weather! Makes me NUTS! Then I decided to take things a step further and with some investigative work and the help of the Oklahoma County Assessor's website I was able to locate the landlords to the properties that are an issue in my neighborhood, or on my street at least. I called them up, told them what was going on and warned them that I was moving forward with complaints with the city on their properties, which could result in fines for them and also that I had made complaints with the police department as well! Actually the landlords were very receptive and open to discussing the issues and told me that they would contact the renters and get things handled. And after a follow up call from one of the landlords, re: the crazy house that is right next door to me - with Mrs. Don King, I was more than reassured that I had been heard and that changes should start taking shape around here soon.......we'll see.......I'm not holding my breathe, but I have my phone ready to make more calls!

Monday, March 21, 2011

The "Hood"

I am convinced I live in it. I should have known when I bought my "potato pad" a year ago I was leery somewhat of the area, but my cute little house and all of its "home-i-ness" took me over and I never looked back......or to the east, west, or north of me.

Well now it is starting to show its true colors and needless to say I am not thrilled. Don't get me wrong I am not scared in my house in the least; but my neighbors are not so desirable. I swear I have a "don king" look alike living next door to me and she, yes she, is a woman. I think everyone is on crack in that house, and its confirmed by how many people come and go next door. There is a recluse that lives on the other side of me, and I have never, I mean never seen out of her house. She peers at me through her blinds. Then there is the alcoholic who lives across the street, and his wife works at a liquor store no less. I have never talked to him in my entire last year here; but he decided to make his way over to my house this past Friday, and in his best non-slurred speech, made an attempt to tell me that there were drug deals going on at the end of our street. I smiled and obliged him and sent him on his way.......

I don't know what is to come in the next 2 years, since that is my term here, but I am sure it will be an eventful one. As long as my car, the boys and my house are left alone all will be fine at the "pad".

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


The definition in Merriam-Webster's dictionary for "release" is the following:
  • to relieve from something that confines, burdens or oppresses

I would say for quite some time I have been confined; and I am to blame for part in how I have let it control me.

Confined, angered and saddened by a past that was not mine to choose, but chose me and by decisions that were made that affected me, and were not mine to make. However, I was the one who continued to carry this with me as I grew into an adult and let it affect my heart and harden my soul. In the last year after suffering a significant loss, a rebirth of sorts with a past that I longed for, and a repair of a relationship that has been long overdue - I think I can finally say that I have come to a point where "release" is the best word that could describe what I am experiencing.

The road has not been easy, and there were times that were dark, but with the most important of family and friends standing by my side and seeing me through, I am finally growing into a place of maturity, a sense of self. and peace. Peace that has been long overdue.

I realize that as each day passes, it is one that we cannot get back; do we learn - yes, but it is still gone and when it leaves there are times when you realize you should let the negative go with it. In the end what do we have, each other - family and friends (which is a family in itself we create for ourselves). And that is the most important thing of all. All of the people who would show up no matter the circumstances, but just because they love you.

It has taken me so long to get here, but each day I feel more free and more of a sense of release from everything I have carried with me over the last 20+ years. I wish you all peace in your own lives, wherever or whatever that may be for each of you.

Can I get an "Amen"! :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

So another year and another Valentine's Day; I have to say it hasn't been all that bad. I mean normally (or I am starting to think it may just be me) if you are a single woman on this day, all you want to do is have it end as quickly as it came; but today hasn't been all that awful.
I was surprised at work with a dozen red roses and a card that wasn't signed - just a note wishing me a Happy V-Day. I did some investigating and learned who my flower romeo was, and it was such a nice surprise and to be thought of.........

And now I am spending the night with my 2 favorite guys - Sam and Tator :) They love their mama, and not just today but all of the other 364 days of the year too - and that's how it should be!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Rebirth......yes "another" one

So it has been months and months since I have posted anything......and after Jess decided to get back on the blog wagon I thought, well why not. There has been alot going on in the last several months and especially before, during and after the holidays. With that said, really all there is to bring you up to speed on currently is that I am single once again; the PK and I gave it another shot and it just wasn't going to work - so it's just me these days and I have been completely inspired by the song lyrics below by Sugar Land and thought it fitting for the place I am at in life as of now - go and search the song to hear it, it's B-E-A- utiful!

Little Miss
Little Miss down on love
Little Miss I give up
Little Miss I'll get tough, don't you worry about me anymore
Little Miss checkered dress
Little Miss one big mess
Little Miss I'll take less when I always give so much more

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)
It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Little Miss do your best
Little Miss never rest
Little Miss be my guest, I'll make more anytime that it runs out
Little Miss you'll go far
Little Miss hide your scars
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)
It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Hooooooooooold OoooooooonHooooooooooold On, you are loved
Are loved.......

Little Miss brand new start
Little Miss do your part
Little Miss big 'ole heart beats wide open and she's ready now for love
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay, it'll be alright again)
I'm okay! (It'll be alright again)